"You turned karaoke into the most morbid thing imaginable, hid under a table, and then said you should have died and puked in a corner. We're taking you to some place where you can clean up, drink water until you feel like you're going to explode, and pass out. And then when you're sober again you can grovel at Electroclash and maybe she'll forgive you for being that kind of not-date."

Sparkle paused for a moment before adding, "Seriously. Never letting you drink again."

Because Sparkle totally made much better life choices when drunk. Honest.